The Ask the Firenation Show
by Mairead Lee
Summary: Azula, Ty Lee, Mai, and Zuko all have their own show! Alas, some of the questions asked are not really all that nice...XD Minor Maiko; Azula and Aang...
1. Episode Uno

Set: Kind of bright…sunny…(Azula shields her eyes and Mai's eyes are about to burn up out of their sockets.) Zuko, Azula, Mai, and Ty Lee are seated in big fluffy green chairs adorned with flowers…

Mai: Ty Lee…what is this? I thought the set was going to be more…_Goth _than this.

Ty Lee: Aw, stop being so gloomy. It's so pretty! chuckles happily

Azula: All right, everybody, shut up. We're starting!

Ty Lee: CAN I DO THE INTRO?

Azula: No, stupid, we got a narrator to do that. _Narrator_!

Some person with a narrator's voice: Welcome to the Ask the Firenation show, where you can ask the lovely teens of the Firenation questions, be them random or serious! Funny or serious! Love letters or serious--_ow_! (doubles over in pain.)

Azula (fingertips smoking): Zuko, you hired the worst narrator possible. And you came up with a lame title--Ask the Firenation Show? Boy, that's catchy.

Zuko: Sorry! Jeez! I couldn't think of anything else!

Mai: Azula, leave him alone. (Zuko curls up like a wounded puppy.) Ty Lee, go get the letters.

Ty Lee: Here they are!

(Everyone stares down at a pile of about five letters.)

Azula: This is it?

Zuko: Great job on the advertising, Azula.

Azula: Shut up! Ty Lee, why aren't there many letters? I gave you zillions of flyers to hand out, to tell people who to write to! Why--

Mai: Does anybody care? No, I didn't think so. Ty Lee, why don't you just read the first letter?

**Dear Princess Azula,**

**How come when your hair is up, it's black, and when it's down, it's brown? And how come you wear that stupid topknot all the time? It looks really stupid. And you have, like, a lot of problems. Did it ever occur to you to just enroll in a mental hospital?**

**--KelliexOrwellxx449**

Azula: GIVE ME A PEN!

Dear "KelliexOrwellxx499",

You know what's stupid? Your name. You know what else is stupid? You. Just a tidbit of information: MY HAIR IS EXACTLY THE SAME COLOR WHETHER IT IS UP OR DOWN. Your might just be blind, in which case, you can't read the following:

YOU'RE AN IDIOT.

YOU'RE PARENTS DON'T LOVE YOU.

GO PICK A FIGHT WITH MAH POPPA AND SEE WHAT HAPPENS.

Too bad, I would have really liked you to see that. Anyway, I wear my "color-changing hair" in a topknot because, if you haven't noticed, it is what practically everybody in the Firenation wears, excluding Ty Lee, who's just an outcast whom nobody loves, and including Mai, who is so patriotic that she actually wears two. And by the way, according to Mike and Brian (our lovely creators) I actually, after the finale, supposedly went to a mental hospital where I am supervised around the clock. So there. Are you happy now?

Lots of Love, 

Princess Azula

Ty Lee: Wow, Azula, you're so straightforward…

Mai: You know what? Wait, put your hair down, Azula.

Azula (pulls out her hair band): What?

Mai: I think it actually DID change color…did you see that, Zuko?

Zuko: Yeah. Freaky.

Azula: MY HAIR DID NOT CHANGE COLOR. (She puts it back up.) SEE? SAME COLOR.

Mai: No, it looks a tad darker…

Ty Lee: Don't listen to her, Azula, it's really pretty either way. And even if your hair did change color, like, how cool would that be?

Azula: MY HAIR--oh, screw it. Next letter, please.

**Dear MaixZuko:**

**I just don't know where all of the Zutarians are coming from. Zuko, you clearly love Mai, and Mai, you clearly luv Zuko. 3 Would you make out just for me?**

**Luv, ChatNoirAalis**

Dear Chat Nore Alice,

Mmh kay.

--Mai

(Zuko shrugs and he embraces Mai. They make out for a good ten minutes.)

Azula: Please…guys…I think I'm gonna--

Ty Lee: Here! Use my coat!

(Azula vomits all over Ty Lee.)

Ty Lee: Wow, maybe some of your awesomeness will rub off on me…!!

Mai: Azula, I don't deny a fan's requests.

Zuko: Neither do I. Maaaiiiii…

Mai: Rr-row!

(Azula vomits again.)

Ty Lee: I think they're cute!

Azula: NEXT LETTER!

**Dear Firenation **

**Azula you rock; I love you and you're so hot. Ty lee you freak me out. Katara should be with Zuko also so Mai go break up with Zuko and/or die you meaningless dead fruitcake so Katara could be with him.**

**XxsesxpiecesxX**

Mai: Like that's going to happen--

Azula: Mai, whatever happened to, "I don't deny a fan's request, tee-hee-hee"?

Mai: What…? I didn't go tee-hee-hee…

Ty Lee: She's right, y'know.

Mai: But--

Azula: We already had a sappy Maiko moment. Seriously, go jump out in front of a car or something, Mai, you're boring up the show.

Zuko: Katara…wait…OMG HER??

Mai: THAT HAD BETTER NOT BE EXCITEMENT IN YOUR VOICE I HEAR!

Zuko: What? No--no, I meant…isn't she the Avatar's girl?

Azula: That was only for the show, hello! Didn't you see her practically chugging down Listerine after that final scene?

Zuko: Poor little guy…

Azula: Not really…I mean…blushes…it's not like he doesn't actually _have _a loving girlfriend…

Mai: No. Freaking. Way.

Ty Lee: I don't get it!

Dear Freakish-Name,

This is Azula speaking. And while I agree with you wholeheartedly that Mai is a fruitcake and that Ty Lee is a freakish outcast, (and that I rock out loud) you totally should take matters into your own hands with the whole Zutara thing. Because stupid MAI will not dump stupid ZUKO and if I kill them, I might get arrested. So there.

--Azula

Mai: You killed the narrator and you didn't get arrested…

Azula: Are you promoting your own death? Because I can totally make that happen if I wanted to badly enough!

Mai: Bring it on.

Azula: Wha--WTF did you just challenge me, you black teddy-bear bee-yotch, oh, MARK MY WORDS, you shall RUE the day--

Ty Lee: Aw, shoot, the camera stopped working…(checks it out)…gee, we're all out of tape!

Azula: THAN THERE WILL BE NO EVIDENCE!! MWAHAHAHAHAhahah--

Zuko: Oh, great, you're here. (Leads two Earth Kingdom cops in full regalia to the room where Azula is attacking Mai and Ty Lee is still fiddling with the tape recorder.)

Earth Kingdom Cop 1: Hey, isn't she…the one with the topknot…wasn't she installed in a facility a few weeks ago?

Earth Kingdom Cop 2: Fred, I think we've got ourselves a runaway…(into walkie-talkie disguised as a cool Asian-ish device) _Backup! We need backup! Over!_

(June, with her smelling creature thing, rides in. Azula is promptly paralyzed and handcuffed; Ty Lee moans after she accidentally rips the camera apart into two pieces.)

Zuko: Do you think we'll still have a show…?

Ty Lee: What happened? (Looks around.) Hey…where's Azula? AZULA?

Mai: Yeah…well, the only way we can have a show is if people write in with questions.

Zuko (in tacky actor voice): Wow! And how do they do that?!

Mai: Knock it off. Just review. Maybe even, if you're all kind enough, we can round up enough fire nation coins to bail Azula out.

Ty Lee: AZULA IS IN JAIL?? WHEN DID THIS HAPPEN??

Zuko: Ty Lee.

Ty Lee: Hm?

Zuko/Mai: SHUT UP!

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

**Authour's Note: Yes, I know--I'm horrible at writing these "Ask" fics. But however bad they might be, just ask any one of our lovely mentioned Firenation characters (or even Katara) a question, because these "Ask" fics are very fun to write. **


	2. Episode Two

Set: A fire nation jail; much like the one Ozai is currently being pent up in. Azula sits inside; Ty Lee is (attempting) to feed her hot frothy tea; Zuko is staring at Mai, who is staring at nothing in particular.

Ty Lee: C'mon, Azula, the tea will warm your soul! 

Azula: _I don't wanna warm my stupid soul…stupid Ty Lee…stupid…_

Ty Lee: Hey--Azula, don't touch that! Mai, why did you give her a shuriken? 

Mai: I thought she'd find it amusing…I sure do.

Ty Lee (muttering): One day, Mai…you are going to become the worst parent in the world…

(Silence for awhile. Azula finally takes the teacup and smashes it over Ty Lee's head.)

Zuko: Aren't we supposed to do the show?

Mai: Yeah, um, look how the last show turned out. (She holds up the hem of her dress and her sleeve, revealing burns and scars lovingly applied by Azula.)

Ty Lee: I think we should do the show--maybe it'll boost Azula's spirits.

Azula: _stupid teacup…stupid shuriken…mehhhh…_

(A random postman enters.)

Postman: LETTER! LETTER! LETTER! LETTER! LETTER--

Mai/Zuko: SHUT UP!

Ty Lee: Hey, we got a letter for the show! It's an omen that we should continue! 

Mai: Do what you want, I don't care anymore.

Zuko/Ty Lee: Yippee!

**Dear Zuko,I love it when you act like a dork. (oh, and you should get a replacment for Azula, ha).SarySoda**

Zuko: Pssh! What does this person know? I never act like a dork!

Azula: _…what…?!…_Why in the world would I be replaced? I'm perfectly fine!

Mai: You're in jail, retard.

Azula: SO? We're doing the show, aren't we?

Zuko: True dat.

Mai: Zuko--y'know, you _do_ act like a dork!

Zuko: GET ME A PEN!

Dear SarySoda,

When have I ever acted like a dork, huh? WHEN? You know what; no--I'm just gonna take this calmly, sanely--

Ty Lee: Mai, stop giving people knives!

(Zuko grunts, rubs his bloody wrist and hands Mai back her shuriken.)

--ANYWAY. I am NOT a dork! I just so happen to be one of the cooliest characters to ever even be on Avatar. I mean, HELLO, I'm a fire bender/sword-weilder/prince/refugee/smokin' hot dude! What is there not to love? You know what--YOU'RE the one who's being the dork. cries 

Oh, by the way, dork (ha), Azula has a little something to say…

P.S. FROM AZULA: Although I do not agree about being replaced, I do agree with you that Zuko is the biggest dork ever to live. I love it when he acts like an idiot, too. In comparing these two biting remarks of yours, I can't decide whether to destroy you or embrace you into the club of friendship. But it doesn't really matter, anyway, AS LONG AS I'M BEHIND THESE BARS.

Lots of Love, Azula & Zuko

Zuko: Why'd you sign it "lots of love"? Didn't my reply clearly illustrate that I do not love that Soda-Pepsi-Sucker Guy--

Ty Lee: Hey! I think we've got ourselves another letter!

**Zuko,What ever happened the night that you almost died because of Zhao? I thinkyou entered a limbo.Did you have a secret thing with Sokka?Haru's mustache: stupid or sexy?Lady Juse**

Mai: Yeesh, its like nobody has questions for anybody other than Zuko

Zuko: I'm popular, is why. Pen!

Azula: _…tch…popular…I used to be popular, before…_

Dear Lady Juse,

I almost died a lot of nights because of Zhao. And I don't think that I should talk about any of them, because I'm still pretty pissed about the stuff that was interrupted--

Mai: giggles

Ty Lee: Wait…hey, I just remembered something…Zuko, when you were off finding the Avatar at first, Mai left on a long journey, too…

Zuko: Uh…that was because…um…

Ty Lee: Come to think of it, Mai returned when Azula first found you. Azula, do you have anything to say on that?

Azula: What, other than the fact that Mai stowed away on Zuko's ship and--

Mai/Zuko: AZULA!!

Azula: _…hehe…_

--and so yeah. Instead, I'll talk about how awesome it felt when Zhao died. Didn't you enjoy that? I certainly enjoyed that. He was all, "WHOAAAA, DUDE, WHOAAAA" and I was like, "HEY, DUDE, I'LL TOTALLY SAVE YOUR LIFE EVEN THOUGH I HATE YOU JUST TO SHOW THAT MY CHARACTER HAS A HEART" and then he totally ruined the plotline and thus I was seen as a heartless maniac once again. 

About the secret thing with Sokka--

Mai (flipping a razor-sharp shuriken around her fingers): Yes, Zuko darling, why don't you tell us if you had an achem secret thing with that water tribe boy…?

Ty Lee: Haha, I was talking with Suki from the Kyoshi girls, and she told me of the time when Sokka was in the tent with the roses, then Zuko came in…and…dissolves into giggles

Mai: Really?

Zuko: Wha--WHAT? The beeyotch TOLD you that? Mai--wait, no, Mai, it was a misunderstanding, I didn't do--OW! Jeez, Mai, you're so reactive; nothing happened, Ty--OW! Ty Lee is just trying to OMG MAI OWWW!! To fool with us!! …moans

Mai: Oh. Sorry about the _misunderstanding_.

Ty Lee: Mai, seriously, your kid someday--he or she is gonna have a horrible life, you know that right?

Zuko: I…I don't think Mai's gonna have a kid after THIS little affair…moans some more

Mai: Tch

Azula: _…Mr. Pattycake, meet Mrs. Butterworth. Together you shall rule the breakfast world…_

--anyway, no, I totally did not have a secret thing with that water tribe _peasant_. And I love Mai dearly. So there. 

Mai: Aww, really?

Zuko: Yes…I…I do.

(They make out for a good fifteen minutes. Azula is too busy dominating Sir Toast-A-Lot to vomit, and Ty Lee answers the next part of the question.)

Dear Lady Juse (this is Ty Lee): Haru is sexy. And his mustache is sexy. So that makes him double-sexy and yeah…sighhh…hay, can someone please send me a Haru Super Earthbending Action Figure? That I could love and hold and feed and play with and so he's alllll miiiiinnneee??

From Mai: Haru? Wait…wait, the kid with a mustache? I thought that was a girl…

From Zuko: I think that was the point of the mustache, to make him look less like a girl.

From Azula: Fly, Sir Toast-A-Lot, FLYYY!!

With Love, The Firenation Crew

Mai: Is that it?

Ty Lee: Uh, yeah. People aren't sending in many letters.

Zuko: Ooh! Maybe we could bribe them--like, y'know, I could offer to take off my shirt or something…

Ty Lee: Bribe _me_!

Mai: You two…I need better friends.

Zuko: Well, FINE. Go get better friends. I was just kidding. Gawsh.

Mai: Maybe I will.

Zuko: Maybe you should.

Mai: I still love you, yah know.

Zuko: C'mere, baby!

(More makeout scenes. Azula, distracted, looks up from her piece of toast.)

Azula: What…oh, jeez, why…this director is _sick_…

Ty Lee: Azula, they love each other. It's sweet! Laa!

Azula: T-Ty Lee, I think I'm gonna--

Ty Lee (covered in Royal Vomit): that's the end of Episode Two. But seriously, if you wanna see me go crazy some more--and perhaps watch Ty Lee in an extravagant bimbo scene shudders--please, continue to send in letters. I mean, I have nothing better to do CONSIDERING I AM BEHIND BARS.


	3. Episode Three

Set: The Uber-Protected Fire Nation Mental Instution. Azula is dressed in a smock, painting. Ty Lee paints flowers beside her, while Mai crafts origami. Zuko is nowhere to be found.

Ty Lee: Wow, Azula! That's so pretty! Where'd you learn to paint like that?

Azula: Oh, you know, I was just born with many talents. You really think it's pretty?

Ty Lee: You make the Avatar's decapitation so…so _vivid_…I just got a chill.

Mai: Does anyone know where Zuko is?

Azula: Does anyone even care?

Zuko: HAY you guys, guess what?

(No answer.)

Zuko: Well, Ima tell you all anyway: we got letters. Three, to be exact.

(Blank stares.)

Zuko: You remember…from the show? The "Ask the Fire nation Show?"

Ty Lee: THAT show? Oh, my goodness, that's been--

Mai: --it's been, like, a month! I didn't realize that everyone still…I don't know…_cared_.

Azula: It's been a month? Yooo, these medications I'm taking must really merge time together into a colorful swirly orb…

Zuko: Anyway…who'd like to do the honors?

(Everyone returns to their aforementioned crafts, save for Azula, who is deeply contemplating her life, values, and the concept of time.)

Zuko: All right, _I'll _open the first one.

**LOL. Nice, you did put Ty Lee in ,Silvereyes12**

Ty Lee: Is--is that letter dedicated especially to me?? WHEE! A letter! And yeah, why wouldn't I be in character? I mean…I'm me, right? Or…am I…

(Ty Lee joins Azula and begins to contemplate the meaning of self.)

Azula: _Did you ever wonder…if everything is just an elaborate dream…if you, Ty Lee, really exist, or if it all just takes place in our minds…_

Ty Lee: Wait--does that mean I'm imagining myself?

Zuko: Um.

Mai: Do you want a paper dragon I just folded? It's made with love.

Zuko: Not really, no…

**Dear Silvereyes12,**

**I'm not sure what the world really means anymore. But then, maybe you don't exist, so maybe I'm imagining my messed-up-ness, so nothing's really wrong so the world is happy again.**

**I feel better now.**

**--Ty Lee**

(After that meaningless exchange, Zuko takes out the second letter.)

**Zuko-First off, just had to let you that I think your very sexy, and I think you and Ty Lee would look adorable together (no offense Mai; you still rock! =]). Oh yeah, and Ty Lee, I think your awesome! Like you, I'm extremely flexible and my friends think it's weird too, hahaha. -Casey**

Zuko: Would yah look at that, I'm sexy!

Azula: _Wait…why would I imagine my own brother to be sexy…?_

Ty Lee: DAYUM, Zuko, we _would _look adorable together. I mean, if I existed, which I'm really not sure of. But hey, want to make a date of it, pookie?

Zuko: Hm. I'll take this time now to reflect on the multiple times you've blatantly thrown yourself at me and how I totally didn't notice.

Azula: _Is that chair really there? Is that painting really there? Is the image of Mai attacking Zuko with a paper dragon really there?_

Zuko: OW! OW, MAI, WHAT THE DICKENS--

Mai: I LOVE YOU!

Zuko: I LOVE TY LEE--waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaait that no come out right--

Ty Lee: O-O

Azula: O-O

Zuko: Heh, heh…O-o

Mai: You know what? Forget it. I…I am going to walk around in circles because I really don't have anywhere to go.

(Commences walking around in circles.)

**My Dearest Casey,**

**Why, thanks for pointing out to me that I am sexy. Actually, the mirror's even telling me I'm sexy. There's a sexy guy in there with his finger pointed at me and he's mouthing "wow, you're unimaginably sexy." Heh, heh. Aaaaanyway, uh…I think Mai might be a little miffed at me. I mean, there's really no reason for it…I just kind of forgot her name and identity and replaced it with Ty Lee's. I mean--funny, right? Like, "ha, what a great joke, Zuko, forgetting I was your girlfriend and hugging someone else! Wow! Great day!" That's what she should have said. But in reality, she attacked me with a red paper dragon that I now name Mr. Ow.**

**Because.**

**You know.**

**You might not think paper dragons could injure you, but I have reason to believe that there was a knife hidden in its right wing. Because my arm is bleeding.**

**--Love, Zuko**

**FROM TY LEE: Ooh, cool! You're flexible, too? But you're probably not prettier than me. (Then again…what is pretty, if nothing exists…)**

**--Ty Lee. Maybe. I DON'T KNOW!**

Zuko: …Mai? Mai…please say words to me…

Ty Lee: Awh, Zuko-love, let's forget Miss Emo and open up the next letter! Ooh! I believe it to be rose-scented!

Zuko: Oooo-kay…

**Dear Firenation,**

**Hey Azula your so cool do you like Aang. Zuko why do you keep making out in front of people because I am going throw up from it.**

-**-The Fire King**

Zuko: Like, hell_-o_, I'm the Fire King! Jeez. Where has this guy been?

Azula: _Oh, look, it's my good friend Mrs. Butterworth! Say hello to the Oreo Cookie!_

Mai: At least he won't be BOTHERED by our MAKING OUT SCENES anymore, Zuko.

Zuko: Mai! You've spoken to me! You do care!

Azula: _…what's that, Oreo Cookie? Le gasp! Mrs. Butterworth is not fat, she is just filled with mapley goodness!_

Ty Lee: I wonder if The Fire King Who Isn't Really The Fire King But Might In Fact Be Considering That I Have Identity Troubles would be bothered if you and _I _made out, Zuko.

Zuko: Hmm…

**Dear "The Fire King",**

**I would like to take this moment to alert you that you are not, in fact, the Fire King--I am. Zuko here. And…I'm a king. Of fire. So that makes me The Fire King.**

**Clear?**

**Kay.**

**Oh, wait, Azula just got ahold of your letter…she's reading--wait, no, now she's burning it--**

**THIS IS AZULA SPEAKING. HELLO. DID YOU NOT SEE MY PICTURE OF THE DESTRUCTION OF THE AVATAR? IN THAT CASE, FEAST YOUR EYES ON IT'S GLORIOUSNESS, BUDDY. DO YOU NOT SEE THAT, QUOTE, "VIVID" DECAPITATION SCENE? NO? AND, MISTER, I AM **_**HOT**_**, NOT **_**COOL**_**. **

**GET IT STRAIGHT.**

**ABSOLUTLEY NO LOVE CONSIDERING THAT YOU THINK I LOVE MY SWORN ENEMY,**

**--AZULA. **

**P.S. from Ty Lee:**

**Hey! Sorry if the above peeps were mean to yah. I just wanted to tell you that Zuko and Mai kind of broke up, I think, so now I'm his first fiddle. Or. Wait. Is that the expression…second fiddle…first fiddle…**

**Anywho, I'm gonna be, like, making out with him. I think. So I just wanted to warn you.**

**Toodles!**

**--Ty Lee**

Azula: --IMA GONNA KEEL DAT CREEP--

Mai: ZUKO! WHAT DO YOU THINK YOU'RE DOING--?

Ty Lee: HE'S MINE NOW!

Zuko: MMPH--

Mai: (plays Mercenaries theme song--"oh, no, oh no, oh NO, yo yo yo oh no you didn't")

Azula: --TO THINK--

Mai: --THAT I LOVED YOU--

Ty Lee: --Wow, how things change! 3--

Zuko: For better?

Mai: --OR WORSE--

Azula: --I--hey, I wonder if this is all really happening or if it's just the swirly meds…hmmm…

Zuko: Ty Lee--down! Off! Scram--wait…no…mmm…3

AUTHOUR'S NOTE: Dramatic? Yes. But that's what I get for being sleep deprived. I'd like to maybe bring one of the gAang characters into this mix…write in with who you'd most like to see! ^^


End file.
